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We say we want intimacy. We say we want to share our lives with someone. We say we want to be in a relationship, to start a family.
With this intimacy we seek, with this Love we desire to be penetrated by- comes an actual penetration. Comes an actual coupling and an actual intimacy that is very much about the physical. Which then brings up: How at home in our bodies do we feel? And how do we feel about sex? How do we feel about surrendering to orgasm and to sexual joy? Even as I write this I feel a part of my inner world cringe at the fact I have written the word about sex. And right there I know I have found a hot spot of shame, a place of resistance in me to the truest ecstasy we shall ever experience. One of the most profound gateways to the Divine- sexual union. Sacred Union.
For so long sex has been something hushed away in corners of our lives. We may have giggled about it as school kids but we would be horrified at the prospect of it. And somewhere in us that giggling, shy, awkward child can still sit- having the same feelings about sexual intimacy. Somewhere in us may well sit the ghosts of our parents telling us sex is dirty, sex is the work of the Devil. Perhaps.
Somewhere in us also may sit the wounds of having experienced Sex as being an act of abuse, of subjugation, of control. We may have had experiences that terrified us of sex. We may have had experiences that brought up feelings of deep shame around Sex. For many reasons.
For women these memories sit in the womb. In our womb space which is a temple space. Which is very much the gateway to the divine. The deep, temple space from which we are able to birth and re- birth. From which we die every month as we bleed and from which we can bring life into the world.
I believe and have found personally that as women we store our emotions and those that have not had a chance of expression in our wombs, in our ovaries. Why? Because this is our power house. So we take those experiences into this temple space to perhaps try and transmute and release the next time we bleed. Except we dont- because our relationship to menstruation has also lost the sacred.
Traditionally women would retreat to Red Tents to bleed and dream together. A woman is said to be at her most powerful when she is bleeding. When she is shedding old skin and feeding the land literally with her life blood.
So when did this blood become dirty? When did women who menstruate become dirty? In some religions women will be kept separate from others, unable to enter holy spaces when they are bleeding. Is this because they are dirty? Or is this because in their wombs, as they bleed they hold the power to the secrets of the Universe and manifestation. Is it because their dreaming powers are so heightened then? Who said they were “unclean”?
So if we are disconnected from our wombs, from our cycles. If we see a “period” as a nuisance. If we do not dive deeper into the sensations of the moments before our flow, during our flow, our rhythmic cycles of being, then we are unable to start the process of also asking what am I holding onto in my womb.
So often in healings with women I will be drawn to the sacral areas, the base for the most healing. Those are the areas where the most is held and where women will often also reveal they feel most disconnected. Their flow is painful, erratic. Something in them is blocked, not flowing. When we are in flow, when we are in harmony with our cycles of existence we are allowing what needs to die to be shed so new life can begin again. This is the moon flow. When we prevent the flow. When we wish it would stop. When we regulate it with pills, we are disallowing that flow, that death and re birth to take its own course and so we are stemming the flow of life in all areas of our lives.
Therefore we end up holding ghosts of the past in our wombs. These ghosts keep us locked into the past and prevent us from having that intimacy we may seek.
In a simple practice you can put your hands on your womb space. Feel into that space. Ask to be shown your womb space. You may see nothing, you may seen an abyss, you may see darkness, you may see light, you may see faces you know or dont know. It may take a few times. You may have to practice ways of doing this. I again maintain we do not need any special tricks for this or special meditations or incense. If you have a knowing of meditation, if you are able to travel into your self however loosely you shall be just fine.
And when you decide to come back, thank your womb space. Thank your guides for holding the space for you and come back and make any notes of what you experienced.
This can be pretty intense. The very first time a healer asked me to do this all I could see was darkness and I felt a lot of pain. It meant I had yet to even enter my womb space. I had yet to turn the light on in this space.
If you have a Shamanic Practice you can journey to your womb space and ask to be shown what needs healing at this time.
And then you can ask whatever ghosts of the past you do not wish to have in your space- to leave! Three times ask them to leave and say you do not wish to have this energy in your womb space. I always suggest doing work like this when you have devoted some time to it- so you have created a safe sacred space. Candles maybe, a warm room, called in on your guides and helpers from the Spirit world- or on Mother Father God to be with you.
Whatever comes up for you- will be your block to intimacy at the moment. It will be this that you may well be attracting to yourself in dysfunctional relationships in one form or another. And so it will be these elements to start to unravel and get the bottom of. As a way of introduction to your womb space it is enough for now to feel into that space and just sense what is going on there, what emotions, what sensations, images.
Until we are able to know what needs healing we cannot heal it. Then the process of healing this space can begin.
You may wish to utilise the energies of the Moon and especially bring your attention to this part of your life around New or Full Moons. You may wish to spend some time connecting to your womb space and simply asking how do you feel? And what do you wish to share with me? Thats enough for now if new to this work.
As for men- men have a similar release in their cycles also- though they do not bleed. There is a similar cycle of death and re birth. So you could perhaps place your hands on your Hara, just below the belly button and feel into what is stored there and what you may be holding onto that could be a block to the intimacy you seek. Take any notes and that is enough for now. A good place to start if new to this level of connection with your Self.
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